Pride Month: The Educational Series, Vol. 2, Masking: The Cost of Hiding Who You Are

Pride Month is often associated with celebration, visibility, and authenticity. But for many neurodivergent and LGBTQIA+ individuals, getting to a place where they can openly be themselves isn't always simple.

Many spend years masking—hiding, suppressing, or changing parts of themselves to fit into environments that may not feel accepting or safe.

While masking can sometimes help a person navigate social situations, it often comes at a significant emotional cost.

What Is Masking?

Masking refers to consciously or unconsciously hiding aspects of one's identity, traits, behaviors, or needs in order to appear more socially acceptable.

For autistic and other neurodivergent individuals, masking may look like:

• Forcing eye contact

• Suppressing stimming

• Copying social behaviors of peers

• Rehearsing conversations

• Hiding sensory discomfort

• Avoiding asking for accommodations

For LGBTQIA+ individuals, masking may involve:

• Hiding one's sexual orientation or gender identity

• Changing speech, appearance, or mannerisms

• Avoiding discussions about relationships

• Downplaying important aspects of identity

• Constantly monitoring behavior to avoid judgment

At its core, masking is often a survival strategy.

Why Do People Mask?

People rarely mask because they want to. More often, they learn that being authentic has led to criticism, exclusion, bullying, discrimination, or misunderstanding.

Masking can develop when a person receives messages such as:

• "Act more normal."

• "Don't do that."

• "Stop being so sensitive."

• "Don't tell people."

• "Just fit in."

Over time, these experiences can teach individuals that acceptance is conditional.

The Hidden Costs of Masking

Although masking may help someone avoid negative reactions in the short term, long-term masking can be exhausting.

Research and lived experiences consistently link chronic masking to:

• Burnout

• Anxiety

• Depression

• Identity confusion

• Chronic stress

• Low self-esteem

• Feelings of isolation

Many individuals describe feeling as though they are constantly performing rather than simply existing. When someone spends significant energy managing how they appear to others, there is less energy available for learning, connecting, working, and enjoying life.

The Intersection of Neurodiversity & LGBTQIA+ Identity

There is significant overlap between neurodivergent and LGBTQIA+ communities.

For individuals who belong to both groups, masking may occur across multiple parts of identity at the same time.

A person may feel pressure to:

• Hide autistic traits

• Suppress stimming

• Conceal their gender identity

• Avoid discussing their relationships

• Constantly monitor how they are perceived

This layered masking can increase stress and contribute to feelings of not fully belonging anywhere.

What Does Unmasking Look Like?

Unmasking does not mean sharing every aspect of yourself with everyone.

Instead, it means having spaces where authenticity is safe.

Unmasking might look like:

✨ Stimming freely

✨ Using preferred communication styles

✨ Asking for accommodations

✨ Using chosen names and pronouns

✨ Setting boundaries

✨ Expressing interests without shame

✨ Existing without constantly monitoring yourself

Authenticity should not have to be earned.

How We Can Support Authenticity

As parents, educators, clinicians, and community members, we can help create environments where less masking is necessary.

We can:

💜 Listen to lived experiences

💜 Respect communication differences

💜 Normalize accommodations

💜 Celebrate diverse identities

💜 Support self-advocacy

💜 Create spaces where people feel safe being themselves

The goal isn't to teach people how to hide who they are.

The goal is to build communities where they don't feel they have to.

Final Thoughts

This Pride Month, we encourage everyone to reflect on what authenticity means and how we can create environments that welcome it. Whether someone is neurodivergent, LGBTQIA+, both, or neither, every person deserves the opportunity to be accepted as they are—not as a version of themselves designed to make others comfortable.

If you needed this reminder today: you are not alone. You do not have to earn acceptance by hiding parts of yourself. Your identity is valid, your experiences matter, and you are worthy of love, respect, and belonging—exactly as you are. 💜